In the past I was so self-centered that I actually became kind of obsessed with myself.
I was the sun and everything else was spinning around me.
This self love, when uncontrolled, can lead to arrogance and can make you blind.
Thanks God, I learned with time to concentrate my interest on other things and on other people, to create a balance between my super ego and the world outside.
I learned to regulate the self love, to moderate it, to show it to others less than I used to.
But I never stopped loving myself.
I guess I found the key to happiness. I came to the realization that in life people who don't have any self-esteem, who don't like their appearance are often people who forget about themselves. They live their life as spectators.
They have the leading role in their own life but they decide to pass it on.
These people are dangerous. They are those who nourish envy towards those who lead a happy life. They are those whose life is so empty that they spend their time and energy gossiping on others. They are those who cannot love. They cannot love because they are too insicure of themselves, their head is full of doubts, they cannot trust, they live with the fear of being cheated on. They don't chose good partners for themselves because they believe they are not worth that much, like they are not in a position of deserving much.
Maybe they have some talent, but they don't nourish it, maybe they don't even know they have it.
They are so busy hiding from themselves and observing others that they forget about themselves.
Self-appreciation and self-acceptance are the basis one should work on, to start with.
Maybe one doesn't have the beauty of a supermodel, doesn't have the talent of a musical genious, doesn't have the intelligence of a scientist, but one doesn't have to excell in order to love oneself. It is just a matter of dedicating a right amount of time to oneself, to self discovery. Do people even take time to look inside themselves, to understand why they feel bad, to find out what needs they have, to discover what could make them feel better?
I always took a lot of time for myself. Lots of time when I was just thinking, when I was trying to observe my own behaviour from the eyes of others, to try to understand if they would see me as I see myself.
One thing I learned: if you don't believe in yourself first, others won't.
But one always have to mantain it on a realistic level. Not fall into self delusion.
I can do many things but I don't excell in any of them. I consider myself quite pretty but not extremely beautiful. I know where my limits are and I dont crave reaching perfection because I am aware of my limits. But I can work with what I have. I can do the best of myself starting with the things I have.
I can take singing lessons and become a better singer. I can take a language course and improve my language skills. I can take better care of my body and become more beautiful and more pleased with my image. I can learn something new, discover new interests, new passions.
I really want to stress about this time that one should take for oneself. There should be at least a couple of hours a day to dedicate to oneself...to do the things we want to do, to do something that will make us feel better about who we are.
If people were more happy and would spend more quality time with themselves our world would be such a better place.
I just don't understand people who have no interest in taking care of their body.
How many times on the street you see someone walk by and you think that if they had a better style in clothes or took more care of themselves, they really could be something?
When someone doesn't know you at all and first sees you in the street, the way you dress and the way you look do the talking for you. That means they are all this person knows about you.
The impression you give, it is like your passport in society, it shows who you represent.
Just never forget that you can actually chose how to represent yourself.
I see the human body as a gift from God. Let's say, like a doll he gave us as a present.
Shall we leave this doll to dust in a forgotten corner of our room, or shall we take care of it, dress it up all nice and make it look her best? I personally like to "dollyfy" myself.
"Dollyfy" is a term I invented and that I use often with myself, as in " I doll myself up". I even wrote a song for Dreamlike Horror on this topic, called "Dollified", but hey it is not ready yet, so I won't talk about it right now.
Anyway, don't forget about your doll! Ever!
Sticking to this topic, in this period of my life I decided to improve my looks. I started to go to the gym. I started to take better care of my skin, of my nails and of my hair. Why being just pretty, when I know I can be beautiful?
I can't wait to go to the dentist and have a nice dental cleaning. I want to see my teeth become pearly white again. I drink way too much coffee and tea.
Let's see how much time will pass by until I will consider myself fully satisfied.
If you read my blog, try to experiment this on yourself too. Let's work on it together!
Let's see how far we can go.
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