New interview about my past with Ancient

I have just done an interview for a blog where I talk about my past with Ancient and why I had to leave the band. Many people, since I disappeared from the metal scene, started to spread lots of gossips, making unfounded assumptions on my whereabouts and my present career. Tired of all those rumours, I tried to set the record straight. Enjoy...

http://flemminggabin.wordpress.com/2014/03/25/interview-deadly-kristin/

Deadly Kristin (Hayam) is fucken tired of seeing lies, rumors and assumptions about her on the interwebs, and she is gonna set the fucken record straight now. After reading my multi-part dissection of all parts awful about her former band Ancient, Hayam got in touch with the great Flemming Gabin to set up an interview. Since I couldn’t possibly say no to a mediterranean chica that is mostly famous for wearing a skull bra, here we are with Hot Hayam’s Q&A session. Everything you ever wanted to know (and lots of stuff you probably didn’t want to know) about Deadly Kristin, her conversion to Islam and being Hayam and also plenty of other (un)related nonsense.

Hello Hayam! Since I’m always ready to, like, oblige a fine looking woman – you have decided to do an interview with the greatest blogger on earth, me. How have you been these last couple of years, chica?

I have been great! I travelled a lot, lived in Sweden, Egypt, UK, done lots of radio shows, some film work, music projects, started writing books and enjoyed my life to the fullest

On my blog I make a lot of fucken fun about Ancient and, like, how silly they were and shit. I do this in good humor, metal is stupid. Tell us a few of the highlight and low points from your years in Ancient.

Ancient was never silly, but yes it was a fun project for us involved in the band. Maybe some old videos we filmed our selves back in the 90’s can appear silly nowadays, but we had no budget and it is not like we had a director or anything. We were just a bunch of young people who enjoyed playing music and we did what was cool for us.

What people think is irrelevant…if we wanted to make music for the people we would have played some pop or some genre that would give us some mass recognition…we don’t need a seal of approval. To people who enjoy make fun of us, I would like to ask what is it that they have done in their life to boast about? Probably most of them cannot even tune a guitar, let alone play it or compose a song.

We have had a successful career in the metal scene, considering all our videos have had international airplay (MTV and other music channels), we played at Wacken Festival, one of the biggest metal festivals in the world in front of 60.000 people, made several albums, 5 of which with Metal Blade Records (one of the finest Metal labels in the world) and toured all over Europe, USA and South America. Need I say more?

One of my personal highlight of my time with Ancient was my trip to the USA to promote our album “Proxima Centauri”, where I did 8 hours of interview every day with various magazines/radio stations for about a week and visited the famous Sterling Studios where we mastered our albums. Low points? None! It was an amazing time in my life, every day was precious and fulfilling.

You now live in England, the country more famous for its tabloid culture than its actual metal scene. Why did you decide to move out of Sweden in the first place? Was it too cold there for a mediterranean chica like yourself?

I got tired of Sweden after 10 years in that country. It is a good place in terms of financial security, life standard, free education, good job opportunities and of course if you want to play metal. These are the advantages that got me stuck there for so long. Those aside, the weather is truly horrible as we had arctic temperatures around – 35 for months in Winter and only a few hours of light a day.

I found the place extremely boring and I couldn’t relate much to the people there. It just wasn’t for me. I had everything: a big house, a nice car, the financial security, but that was about it… I didn’t feel happy anymore and I was starting to feel sad and lonely. My last 2 years there were a nightmare, I couldn’t bear to be there any longer.

I am a person who is full of life, I love spending time outdoors, I love meeting people with different ethnicity and the UK fits me and my personality so much better. I started to laugh and feel happy again when I moved here to the UK. I feel almost reborn.

So how did you end up meeting Magnus Garvik and the fucks from Ancient? I believe you were living in Italy at the time. Did the Norwegian scene scare Garvik away cos of his silly costumes and pretend-vampyre shtick?

First off show some respect when talking about my bandmates, you are not talking to your sister. In fact I bet you wouldn’t like it if I was to call “fucks” any of the people you love, but I am too much of a respectful and polite person to do that.

I met Aphazel by chance in Italy in ‘97, while he was on vacation. We were both looking for a concert venue as we were headed to an Emperor gig and I gave him and his friend a lift. At the time I didn’t know who he was but I was intrigued by the fact that he played in a black metal band and was from Norway. After that concert we exchanged contact details and we kept in touch with Hotmail for like a half year.

I fell in love with him as he had an amazing personality and I was very attracted by his Scandinavian features. When he came on tour with Ancient to Italy I went to see him and shortly after that tour, he came to see me again and decided to move there as we became a couple.

At that time he had just left the USA where he had been living for 3 years and as the rest of the band members were American and were not willing or in a position to relocate to Europe. That is why the line up had to change dramatically. As he saw I could sing and he thought I could be a great addiction to the band he invited me to join them. For me it was a dream come true!

As you told me, Magnus Garvik and you were involved for the time you were in the band. Is this a fucken habit that Garvik has, putting his girlfriend as extra vocalist? He sure had a lot of those. Female singers, I mean. I dunno about his amorous escapades.

I was the only one of those female vocalists who was in a relationship with him and I stayed in the band long after our relationship was over as we were still in good terms. The others were just friends of some band members (mostly of Kaiaphas) who joined for an album. You see, as Aphazel was the main composer in Ancient, they never really have the need for a female vocalist. It was just a mere “fill in” role, just to add some female touch to the music, that’s about it. I believe I was the only one of their female vocalists who had a major role in the band, as I was being consulted for any major decisions and I actually composed several lyrics and even melodies/riffs on 2 of their albums.

Truth be fucken told, I mostly remember you cos of your super hot costumes. I mean, there was the wand and skull enchantress, the metal warrior princess, the skeleton bra (the latter probably your most famous). Do you still have these dresses?

Yeah, they were really cool and actually some of those costumes were one of a kind as they got designed especially for me by some very talented people from Belgium, who volunteered to help us out. They were all extremely talented. Think that the metal throne on the “Proxima Centauri” photosession and also the trident that I was holding in the booklet were handmade by them! If you had seen those details…it was pure art!

Unfortunately I don’t have any of my old dresses/costumes as I lost EVERYTHING in a fire when my flat in Sweden burned down on Xmass Eve 2008. (200 people lost their home that night, including me).

Everybody in Ancient seemed to like to dress up and play vampyre. It was very silly, but I love you girls conviction in doing that. I mean, Cradle Of Filth was dressing up too back in those now ancient days. Did you get a lot presents from fans, promoters, stalkers, etc?

We were some kind of Vampires. We were living at night, nobody would see us before dusk. We were a lot into those things back then…it was a lifestyle. Ancient and Cradle of Filth were the first bands to have a vampire theme before it started to get fashionable in black metal and became a trend.

I remind you that our first album Svartalvheim was released in 92! Then because Cradle of Filth became very famous all over the world, some naïve young black metallers started to say that we “copied” Cradle of Filth…not knowing that we had that thing going on LONG before Cradle of Filth became popular.

When Ancient did “Mad Grandiose Bloodfiends”, whose album cover portrays them sitting around a table in a graveyard, they didn’t even know who Cradle of Filth was, let alone copied them!!

To answer your question: yeah, I got some presents some time… and also got lots of stalkers flooding my inbox for many years and spreading false rumours.

I take it you all were doing unfulfilling day jobs next to Ancient back in the day. I mean, it’s not like there’s lots of money to be made in metal anyway. Do you remember any particular moments in your life that you’d rather sit home in the couch with a cold beer, or a glass of fine wine? I mean, like, pretty chicas like yourself usually have better stuff to do than to sit in dingy vans with sweaty, hairy ugly menz.

Actually most of us lived off the music for many years as we were touring all the time and we were making money from shows and got royalties from album sales. But that was the 90’s and early 2000.

Then in 2001 I got a job at a travel agency and was using all my free days/holidays to go on tour with the band. Back then being in the band was all I wanted to do in life, it was my life! Me and Dhilorz (the bassist) were the only ones who actually had jobs. I am afraid to say that if you want to make it in anything you have to concentrate only on that…

If you want to be a musician or an actor at a professional level, that is the only thing you should concentrate on, or you wont make it. Nobody said it was easy, it is never easy. It is hard work but hard work does pay off.

It seems like everybody in Ancient is changing their religious affiliation these days. Magnus Garvik is a born-again Christian, Big Fat Nick Barker still worships the god of fish & chips and lager, I think. How did you come to converting yourself to Islam? I mean, like, you did it entirely, with a name change and everything.

Before I converted to Islam I was an atheist and was writing a book containing all my reflections on the meaning of life and what happens after we die, etc. I have always been a very profound person, a philosopher type of person with lots of existential questions in my head. While writing my book I was studying a lot of chemistry, astronomy, physics, trying to support my theories with some scientific proof.

Talking to some muslim intellectual on the internet and exposing my theories I discovered that many of the things I was talking about were written in the Quran. The Quran is filled with Scientific facts that prove the relativity of time, quantum physics, the Big Bang theory, the Big Crunch theory etc…so I found Islam with my great surprise from a scientific angle…I studied the Quran and Islam and I am 100% convinced that is the TRUTH, so I became muslim.

I believe that I had a great part in Aphazel’s spiritual awakening. When I became muslim I talked to him a lot about my new found knowledge and I remember he listened to me and had many questions. I feel that had he been around me, he would be muslim by now.

Where did your stage name Deadly Kristin come from, anyway?

I got this name when I was 16. I was a real character back then. I was very much into punk music and I wanted a cool name like the guys in Sex Pistols…for instance Johnny Rotten, Sid Vicious…so why not? Deadly Kristin!

I always felt I was Deadly, because lots of people were getting obsessed with me and like a poison I would creep in their heart. I am not only talking about boyfriends, also friends and other people… I have always been an individual that left a mark and stood out in some kind of way, so I thought that nickname would suit me and my personality.

Prior to this interview you asked me to edit out any mention of your civilian name – why was that? It is fairly easy to find online, if you know where to look…

My name and in fact all our names (of people in Ancient) have been a secret for many, many years. There is a reason why we chose stage names, we want to protect our privacy, our families and avoid any type of problems with eventual employers. I don’t know who was it that some years ago revealed our names to the press, but if I ever find out I would seriously punch that person in the face. Hard! When people know an artist’s real name, they can easily find out where you live, find your address and phone number… You can find them waiting for you outside of your house and you and your family can get stalked.

I seriously had problems with stalkers in the past. Not to mention I had to deal with my students (yes, I was a language teacher for 10 years and I even taught at University in Egypt) Googling me up and seeing all my photos with Ancient. Now that can change the way they see you straight away! Private life and work are two worlds that should never mix! Whatever job you get these days they willl Google you and find out about you. One can lose a job just because of things written on the Internet! I am sure you understand how I feel.

You seem to like a nomadic lifestyle, as you have moved around Europe quite a bit in the last years. How does a sassy Italian chica end up moving to the grim and frostbitten Sweden, only to later move to the rainy and grey UK? Were you just following employment opportunities (that is totally alpha) – or was this cos of a new boyfriend, or, like, whatever?

I initially moved to Sweden because I knew some people there ( I was making music with a Swedish guy) and was kinda hoping to get back in touch with one of my ex boyfriends (who is a very famous musician). I never got back with him but I liked it in the beginning in Sweden cause it was more modern than Italy and it had more opportunities for me. I found a job straight away, I was making loads of money and life was just good, so I stayed. When depression started to kick in many years later, as I explained to you in the other question, I decided it was time for me to go and start afresh. I thought the UK was the best place for me.

Who is this “very famous musician” boyfriend from Sweden you speak of?

Sorry, I really cannot say it…  I had 3 really famous boyfriends in the metal scene. The most famous of all from Florida, a real bad ass and known all over the world…but shhhhh…. I will keep u guessing.

(Flemming notes: Evil Chuck Schuldiner and Peter Tägtgren were your boyfriends? Oh wow)

When did Hayam decide to try her hand at acting anyway? You used to bea singer, musician before. Were you modeling before your time in Ancient already? I mean, I’m not going to, like, fucken lie or anything – you are a fine looking lady.

I was always into acting, much more than into singing. I remember being a child and play with my mates like actors in movies…we would pretend to be some Super Hero and make our own stories, sometimes very sophisticated. I always had a passion or films. In Italy I worked a couple of years on TV as presenter and also my time with Ancient made me very camera confident.

In Sweden I have done a couple of roles in some amateurial films. Here in the UK I have been doing some little film jobs here and there and I am soon going to be starring in a minor role in an upcoming comedy, to be filmed probably in May. There are some really great opportunities here in regards to acting!

No wonder you were into acting. Italy is fucken great, principessa! You had the most amazing exploitation scene in 1970s/80s. All my favorite movies/directors are from Italy. If Asia Argento can do it, so can you! Are there any movies, or directors, in particular that made you interested in doing movies? I bet that if you acted in the 80s, you would have been serious fucken competition for Catriona MacColl, or Zora Kerova. 

I would have loved to act in the 80´s… I wanted to go to acting school so bad but it was in Rome and too far away and my family encouraged me to chose something better for my education, so I studied foreign languages instead.

Had I had the right support who knows, I would have been an established actress right now. But it is never too late… It all depends on how much work and how much you invest into something. You mentioned Asia Argento, well her father is indeed one of my favourite directors, the legendary Dario Argento!

I really love Asian films as well…I find them very deep and poetic. I had a huge Asian film collection before it burned down with my apartment. Especially horror films… In fact Hollywood keeps copying Asian films and make cheesier adaptations for the American/European market. There is no film in particular that I can say had a definitive impact on me. There are just too many good ones, too many to mention…from old black white films to modern clips… I have a weak spot for thrillers and psychological films… and horror films from the 70´s and 80´s.

Back in the 90s when you were in Ancient, there weren’t that much chicas in the metal scene. You know, outside of the gothic/symfo scene, and a handful of death – and black metal bands in Europe and the US. Since then the whole „female-fronted” metal scene has, like, exploded and every girl is singing or putting her tits on a cover these days. What is, like, your opinion on that evolution?

When I first started, I was the very first female I know of, apart from Cadaveria of Opera IX , who did not play black metal anyway, to dare sing with extreme vocals. My own friends and people who knew me laughed in my face as they thought it was only a man’s thing to be able to growl or make a deep voice. Me, not only I could growl I could sing black metal with a high pitch as well. People were saying that black metal was a genre for men only and thought that females didn’t have a place in it. I like to believe I prove them wrong.

Personally I don’t like how the scene changed… starting from Nightwish who mixed opera with metal. I never got over it, it just never sounded right. I hated her vocals as I thought they had nothing to do with metal. I thought she would fit better in a church choir! I find this trend of having female vocalists very commercial and very cliché…I don’t like it.

When I was in the band I was asked to pose for Penthouse, I refused. If people were to buy records for my looks they better keep their money in their pockets. Plus, even if I wore sexy outfits at the time, I certainly wasn’t in need to expose myself that way and put myself in the same category of women who pose for adults magazines.

In your time in the UK you have been doing presentation work on Sky Channel Rock TV, and strutting your stuff in modeling work. You were one of the candidates in the Miss Cyberface pageant in 2013. I never heard of that, but I felt like mentioning it. Anyway, you look mighty fine, if I may fucken say so. Do you, like, work out constantly or so, or live on a strict diet, or something? I mean, damn chica, you look good.

Rock TV was in Italy, long ago before I moved to Sweden, not in the UK. In the UK I have done some work as presenter in a few occasions both for my upcoming program “It’s Groovy!” ( that wont be released until I find an editor) and for UK Unsigned.

Thank you for your compliments. Well, I am blessed to look the way I do considering I am going to be 40 years old in a few months (most people cant believe it!) I have good genes, but also I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t smoke, I don’t eat meat and I work out on a daily basis (very rarely I skip one day or two).

I never been on a diet in my life but I do lead a very healthy lifestyle. I only eat organic and avoid food that contains GMO or artificial additives. I only drink water, juice, coffee and tea. No fizzy drinks, no soda.

As you are currently living in the UK, and you had some modeling here and there – what’s your opinion on the country’s world famous glamour industry? I mean, sure, half of the chicas have their girls silicon enhanced, and the other half likes to get insanely and obscenely drunk on a daily basis – but I always imagined you to be more of Suicide Girl. I mean, not that you have many tattoos or piercings, or anything.

I don’t like the fashion industry in the UK. Everybody seems to be so fake. Lots of botox, silicon, fake tans, fake lashes, fake nails, fake hair. I may not be a model for perfection but at least I am natural. I don’t photoshop my pictures to hide blemishes, what you see is what it is in real life.

Suicide Girls asked me to pose naked for them for 100 dollars, many years ago. I told them to fuck off, literally. No money can buy me. They exploit girls who are desperate for attention and turn them into prostitutes and pay them pennies. They can go and do one.