The grim reaper strikes again

I am in an awful mood. I just heard that in my home town two people I know have just committed suicide. Both of them hanged themselves. An old friend of my brother two days ago and an old friend of mine the day after. I don't  know what to say except for the fact that I kind of saw it coming as far as my friend goes, because she has always been very depressed and she had attempted it several times already like 20 years ago. What devastates me the most is that even if I have no responsibility whatsoever in this, I kind of feel guilty, I keep thinking, maybe if they had had a good friend like me on their side they wouldn't have done that.

Then again some people are just tormented souls, they are born with this kind of disease in their heart which prevents them from being happy. I am just so so sad. I will never see them again. What I worry about the most is their souls. According to my religion people who commit suicide are going to hell. I dont want to think this for a second. I keep asking God to spare them, to have mercy on them. They surely must have been in agony for many years to reach the point of taking their own lives.

Me I am always so full of life and joy for living in abundance...I could even give it away for free. I always try to make people smile, to be kind to others, I wish I had this power to wipe away depression from all those people who suffer from it. I have been depressed myself when I was younger, but mine was not truly depression, was more of a melancholic sadness, I knew I was going to get out from.

But certain people never manage to get out of it. Surely when they take their lives they think that they are going to end their suffering...they probably don't think of hell or of making things worse for themselves...I wonder if the thought of eternal damnation ever crossed their mind...

all I can do is to pray for them. I am sad, very sad.

On a brighter note today we have a new baby in the family, baby Esa!! So Khaleel is going to be a great uncle and I am going to be a great auntie!! I cant wait to see this little sweetheart!! I am sure he is very beautiful.

I cannot wait to become a mother myself, but it never seems to be the right time... sigh...well whatever it is meant to be will be.

Took some pics yesterday with a different look

Trying out different things