Halloween Party nr. 1 at Scharinska

To say the truth, it was a bit of a disappointment.
Didn't quite understand the choice of music for the evening...ehm, hello, it's halloween, you are supposed to play creepy goth music not dance! Or whatever that music style was.
It wasn't bad but I was expecting something different at a Halloween party.
The people at the club seemed kind of boring too. Not many masks, most of them were just plain normal...and really young!
Amr and I at least did our best to create a cool costume with the material we had.
I was some kind of zombie bride and he was most definitely the coolest mummy I ever seen! We received a lot of compliments...someone told me I looked like a porcelain doll and everybody was screaming "mumie!"  which means "mummy" in swedish, everytime Amr was around. I thought they were gonna give a prize for best halloween costume?
But it didn't happen...or if they did we missed it somehow, maybe cause we came late...not sure. Amr would have won for sure, he was by far the coolest!
Here are some pics:
This is Amr mummy version when we were about to go out...isn't he amazing?
He even had a real ankh from Egypt around his neck and white lenses, which made him even more creepy...

This is me before going out...

And this is us at the club ....

Last but not least we ended the night finding a 500 kr parking ticket on the windshield of our car. Not the best surprise! Oh well...

I can't wait for the next Halloween party next week...but I may use a different costume and make up, because I don't like to repete myself, it gets boring...next week the Pirate band will play and then there will be Club Greyscale which always plays cool goth music...it will be so much better...!!

Anyways here is a video of Amr mummy version, giving us a dance!

and now a pretty picture of me I just took with my webcam, just to delete the zombie image of me from your mind...DK always leaves you with something sweet :)

Goodnighty then, we are off to watch SAW 3 in 3 D at the movies....hopefully it will be good! See ya!

Back from the gym, Halloween costumes hunting

Just came back from the gym, I am all sore from the work out session but I feel so happy!
I feel healthy and good! I have seen some results on my body, which gave me a real boost.
I just need to be more constant. I work out almost every day but I am striving to find a balance and give myself at least one hour of healthy work out a day.
My best friend in Italy who hasn't seen me for a few months, saw some pictures of me and asked me if I was eating at all!  I got happy when I read that...it means my efforts are producing results and this gives me motivation.
I am very determined. I want to look my best, for my husband and for myself.
When you grow older you come to the realization that time doesn't really play on your side and it won't get you any younger. So I want to make the best out of myself, before I grow old.
I want to look at myself in the mirror and be satisfied of what I see, I want to be able to tell myself I did a good job.
I always try to do the best I can in everything I do.
If I dont give my best I feel like a loser, which is a word I don't like.
Today I had a lovely day. I had so much fun with my husband going shopping.
We didn't really buy anything, but we went to several shops hunting for Halloween clothes and gadgets. We were trying out masks and wigs and it was really fun!
Here is a horrible picture of me with a orange wig!

Not my colour, I felt like an orange!! It didn't match my skintone at all and this expression I gave to my husband while he was taking this picture of me was just priceless!
It is so ugly I just need to post it! LOL
Anyway despite a few hours of hunting, we didn't really find what we were looking for...but we definitely got some inspiration...
I still want to be dressed as Corpse Bride but can't find a used wedding dress.
I don't want something nice because I am just going to fill it with blood to give it a creepy touch...if not I need to find an outfit for my other option..the zombie girl!
But still the possibilities are endless...we were even thinking to be a mummy couple ( which wouldn't be too hard as I guess it can be easy to make a costume for that), or we could go for the goth vampire look...
but still I dont want to be something predictable, let's face it: it is going to be full of vampires, witches and zombies.
I want to find something original, something different!
It seems on friday we will go to a first Halloween Party. There will also be a punk rock karaoke...well all my life I waited for that, I sure don't wanna miss it!
I guess I will be singing a track or two, just for fun!
Ok after that horrible picture with the orange wig I wanna post one that I really like...
this one:

I dont know why it came out like this, love the atmosphere in it. It feels really soft and mysterious....and the face expression can give different feelings depending on the mood one is in...can it be fear? Surprise? Sensuality?

To end this blog I wanna post another picture which shows our latest buy!

Yes ladies and gentlemen! The Pick of Destiny is in our hands now!!

So now that we hold this precious thing, all it takes is to grab an instrument and make some awesome music! I am so inspired...and we definitely need to work on the new Dreamlike Horror tracks that we started to write in Egypt...I wish we could find some people here to play with or jam with even just for fun...I miss making music.
Well that is all for today, goodnight now, sweet dreams <3

Halloween is coming

Lately there is a lot of negativity in the air...don't know why so many people feel depressed or are easy to get angry, I had my share of negative vibes myself, but it will soon be over.
The first snow has come to Sweden. It snowed all night.
I had almost forgotten the feeling of wet gloves and the chill the ice sends to your skin all the way along the nerves, while removing the snow from the car.
A familiar feeling.
Last night we were so bored we decided to try out some make up for Halloween. It turned out pretty cool, just we need to find the right outfit.
I think Amr ( my husband), since he is egyptian, is going to be a mummy and me I was thinking to either dress as a blood-thirsty vampire or a zombie girl.
Last night I did some kind of corpse bride make up, which turned out awesome, in my eyes.
Didn't put much effort into it, I have done it in like 5 minutes, so I guess if I really apply myself it can turn to something really great.
We then went out in the snow and filmed a bit, took some pictures.
Thing is, Halloween hasn't arrived yet...so if someone saw us they probably thought we were a bit crazy. So what, it's fun!
Here are a few pics....

I just loved Amr with white lenses! Although I prefer his beautiful brown eyes...I tried to put on the lenses myself but wasn't able...it feels just too weird to try and put something in my eyes...

This picture of me I think is just awesome! I look scary...seriously, would you like to meet me in the dark all of a sudden in the dead of the night? I wouldn't advise you! hahahaahah

My Hello Kitty gloves give that priceless touch of innocence which is just too creepy!

Needless to say, I love it!

the two of us...just awesome! :)
Bye bye now!

How much do you love yourself?

I love myself a lot. I always have.
In the past I was so self-centered that I actually became kind of obsessed with myself.
I was the sun and everything else was spinning around me.
This self love, when uncontrolled, can lead to arrogance and can make you blind.
Thanks God, I learned with time to concentrate my interest on other things and on other people, to create a balance between my super ego and the world outside.
I learned to regulate the self love, to moderate it, to show it to others less than I used to.
But I never stopped loving myself.
I guess I found the key to happiness. I came to the realization that in life people who don't have any self-esteem, who don't like their appearance are often people who forget about themselves. They live their life as spectators.
They have the leading role in their own life but they decide to pass it on.
These people are dangerous. They are those who nourish envy towards those who lead a happy life. They are those whose life is so empty that they spend their time and energy gossiping on others. They are those who cannot love. They cannot love because they are too insicure of themselves, their head is full of doubts, they cannot trust, they live with the fear of being cheated on. They don't chose good partners for themselves because they believe they are not worth that much, like they are not in a position of deserving much.
Maybe they have some talent, but they don't nourish it, maybe they don't even know they have it.
They are so busy hiding from themselves and observing others that they forget about themselves.
Self-appreciation and self-acceptance are the basis one should work on, to start with.
Maybe one doesn't have the beauty of a supermodel, doesn't have the talent of a musical genious, doesn't have the intelligence of a scientist, but one doesn't have to excell in order to love oneself. It is just a matter of dedicating a right amount of time to oneself, to self discovery. Do people even take time to look inside themselves, to understand why they feel bad, to find out what needs they have, to discover what could make them feel better?
I always took a lot of time for myself. Lots of time when I was just thinking, when I was trying to observe my own behaviour from the eyes of others, to try to understand if they would see me as I see myself.
One thing I learned: if you don't believe in yourself first, others won't.
But one always have to mantain it on a realistic level. Not fall into self delusion.
I can do many things but I don't excell in any of them. I consider myself quite pretty but not extremely beautiful. I know where my limits are and I dont crave reaching perfection because I am aware of my limits. But I can work with what I have. I can do the best of myself starting with the things I have.
I can take singing lessons and become a better singer. I can take a language course and improve my language skills. I can take better care of my body and become more beautiful and more pleased with my image. I can learn something new, discover new interests, new passions.
I really want to stress about this time that one should take for oneself. There should be at least a couple of hours a day to dedicate to oneself...to do the things we want to do, to do something that will make us feel better about who we are.
If people were more happy and would spend more quality time with themselves our world would be such a better place.
I just don't understand people who have no interest in taking care of their body.
How many times on the street you see someone walk by and you think that if they had a better style in clothes or took more care of themselves, they really could be something?
When someone doesn't know you at all and first sees you in the street, the way you dress and the way you look do the talking for you. That means they are all this person knows about you.
The impression you give, it is like your passport in society, it shows who you represent.
Just never forget that you can actually chose how to represent yourself.
I see the human body as a gift from God. Let's say, like a doll he gave us as a present.
Shall we leave this doll to dust in a forgotten corner of our room, or shall we take care of it, dress it up all nice and make it look her best? I personally like to "dollyfy" myself.
"Dollyfy" is a term I invented and that I use often with myself, as in " I doll myself up". I even wrote a song for Dreamlike Horror on this topic, called "Dollified", but hey it is not ready yet, so I won't talk about it right now.
Anyway, don't forget about your doll! Ever!
Sticking to this topic, in this period of my life I decided to improve my looks. I started to go to the gym. I started to take better care of my skin, of my nails and of my hair. Why being just pretty, when I know I can be beautiful?
I can't wait to go to the dentist and have a nice dental cleaning. I want to see my teeth become pearly white again. I drink way too much coffee and tea.
Let's see how much time will pass by until I will consider myself fully satisfied.
If you read my blog, try to experiment this on yourself too. Let's work on it together!
Let's see how far we can go.

Operation Heartbreak

What kind of world do we live in?
I am so upset, any effort I make trying to write a cheerful positive blog gets systematically aborted. A lot of negativity in the air, too much violence, too many crazy, terrible,  unconcievable things keep happenning and it is just impossible to ignore them.
I feel the need to scream, to speak out, to take out of me this unbearable weight which accumulated on my heart.
Mothers who kill their own baby and then try to attempt suicide, an unsuspectable uncle who murders his own 15 year old niece, then rape her corpse and throws her in a well...it is too much for me to take in...
this last episode happenned in Italy, I have been following this story for a while now...this sweet innocent girl, Sarah Scazzi, disappears from her home in august. A month and half later, her uncle suddenly finds her mobile phone in the country side ( in one of his land properties), he calls the police to tell them about his find, gives lots of interviews for tv where he brings himself to tears talking about his niece...saying that he feels she is dead, that he feels he is the one who has to find her just like he found her phone and everyone believes him. Now just two days ago after being questioned by the police for 10 hours straight he confesses the homicide. He says: "She refused me, so I approached her from behind in my garage and I strangled her with a string. Then I made love to her, after she was dead. I then carried her corpse on my vehicle, took her to the countryside where I burned her clothes, mobile and the string I killed her with and I threw her body in a well. If you want I can show you where she is".
Of all things one could say after reading this, the first thing that comes to mind is a simple word: Why?
There is no answer to that. Evil. Evil, maybe inspired by an uncontrollable sexual lust just took over. If we look at the man and hear him talk, he is not the kind of person that one should normally feel scared of. He looks like a plain normal middle aged uneducated man, who was described by those who knew him as a hard worker, a good person.
Someone who used to work from 4 in the morning in the fields until 9 in the evening, everyday, including sundays and holidays. A hard worker, a good person, someone unsuspectable.
Yet, for how hard it is to believe, he did that.
My husband always says to me that too much free time leads people to do bad things.
Maybe the fact this man was working everyday, all day in the field, says a lot about him.
It means his life was empty. There was nothing else for him to enjoy but work. He chose to work this much because nothing else would make sense of his day.
This is something dangerous. This is when the mind begins to play trick on you.
Not many people can be driven to such extremes, but in this case it happenned.
It happenned to someone who, according to those who knew him, never did anything wrong.
How can we protect ourselves from evil, from the evil inside us?
To have faith and believe in God and afterlife definitely does the job, but not all people are believers and sometimes even believers can go astray and do bad things.
I believe education, leading a healthy life, working out, affection and having a passion or some interests in life definitely is the key to keep one's mind occupied and healthy.
I pray Allah to protect me and my family and all the people I know from evil.
But it's everywhere and it comes out from all sides.
Sometimes I wish my husband and I would live far away from civilization ( but with all the comforts). I am scared of people, I dont trust them anymore.
My heart feels broken. Not only I was devastated by these stories I talked about in my last two blogs, today I even heard that my husband will have to be apart from me for sometime, due to immigration laws. Since I heard these news I feel like someone is trying to take the heart out of my body with a knife. I feel like a walking zombie and keep crying.
The one beautiful thing I have in my life, my love, my everything, my heart that beats and they want to take him from me.
InshAllah, hopefully it will only be for a short period. But I dont feel good. Everything is so uncertain, I am agitated and cannot breathe.
May Allah have mercy on me and on my husband and save us from heartbreak.

Meat, acid and animal violence

Last night for the second night of Shocktober we decided to watch a tv series called Breaking Bad. It was really good and exciting, felt a bit like we were cheating as it wasn't a real horror movie, but it had a good dose of macabre and we watched three episodes. Fair enough!
What I learned from it is, if you ever decide to dissolve a body in acid, do it in plastic containers. The guy in the film did it in the bathtub and as a result the whole ceramic got corroded and so did the floor, resulting in a macabre fall of the whole thing onto the floor below...gross :)
I don't think I will ever need to do something like that...I respect life too much to harm anybody or anything and I always feel sick when smelling blood or meat...
in fact even looking at Lady Gaga infamous meat dress made me sick.
Have you seen it? She always succeeds in leaving an impression, nothing wrong with that, just not so classy...actually far from.
Oh well, what people do to get a bit of attention!
She got even mine, gotta give her that!
Talking about meat and acid...just read on facebook the other day about this ukrainian girl Alisa Kuzmenko, a veterinary student, who tortured, dismembered and dissolved in acid a number of dogs...and then posted on facebook photos of her macabre accomplishments posing with a big smile on her face...
honestly, what has the world come to? I hear she has been imprisoned, but still what pushes human beings to do such outrageous acts of violence on innocent creatures?
How can someone find pleasure or even have the guts to do such things, as some kind of macabre bloody entertainment?
Still recent even the episode of the other eastern european girl who filmed herself while throwing little puppy dogs into the river...I heard her family just got a 5.000 euros fine and got away with it.
Is this the value we give to life?
It is disgusting and unacceptable. Despite that, it doesn't surprise me.
We live in a society where members of the European Union voted for a law which allows vivisection of any dog, cat or other animal without a owner found on the street. Experimental use, they say. If this doesn't give you the shivers...then you are just like them.
I cannot understand how things like this can even happen in year 2010, in these so called
"civilized" countries.
How can WE even let it happen.
Going back to the two cases mentioned above... we are talking about two young girls here.
Females. Females as the supposely sensitive, sweet, fragile, tender hearted beings as implied by the word "female" itself.
What pushed young women to such a sick, horrendous behaviour is still uncomprehensible to me.
The origin of the joy and the pride they expressed in showing off the footage of their acts, is something worth analyzing.
This is the result of a sick society which is totally deprived of moral values, a society in which what is bad is seen as good and exciting, a society in which bad taste is considered fashionable and original while good taste is seen as something plain boring and undesirable.
Maybe we live too well. We have too much...too much comfort, too much security, too much food on our table. We came to the point of non-appreciation. We dont find happiness in what we have, we dont feel gratefulness, we dont feel excitment anymore.
Because anything we need and more is there on a silver plate.
Do men always have to face tragedies or suffer natural calamities to understand the value of life?
I leave this question to you.

First blog...and happy shocktober everyone! :D

First blog on blogger that is!
I used to blog a lot on myspace and for a while I had over 100 followers...but those were the days when  myspace was still the coolest site around...before Twitter was invented and before Facebook slowly took over. I used to spend hours everyday on myspace writing blogs and bullettins, uploading photos and songs...it used to be really a great way to reach out to the world...to keep in touch with my fans and connect with other musicians.
Now I kind of hate it. I hate it for letting me down. That is for becoming a mere advertisement board, a true jungle, where artists and wannabes keep spamming all day long...one doesn't get noticed anymore...it just became a wild mess.
So when I got tired to log on just to read spam mail, that is when I switched to Facebook.
My Facebook is something more personal, I dont have a lot of friends on there. That is because I wanted to use it on a more personal level and that is why my privacy settings are quite strict on there.
So why did I decide afterall to open an account on Blogger?
Basically because I still feel the need to express myself somehow...
I have been hiding for a couple of years...had lost all interest in reaching out...I was living in my bubble, living a normal life, something that I had missed in my metal days with Ancient, where every move I was making was under public scrutiny and people used to gossip...a lot.
I had even closed my youtube account because I was so tired of reading silly comments on my looks from horny teenagers. Not that I am a sex bomb, but well, I used to get lots of annoying comments to the point I deleted all my vids and even closed the account. I regret it a little, because some of those videos were really cool and since my old computer got destroyed in a fire, I lost them all.
It is always like that when you go public.
Somehow after years of silence I still have lots to say.
I occasionally get e-mails from fans or just people who used to follow me on the net, wondering why they dont hear from me anymore...wondering how I am doing, wanting more blogs to read...so this is for them...and for myself.
And for any curious person who managed to read this boring introduction all the way to here.
Apart from all that, I just wanna wish everyone a happy and horrorific Shocktober!
Shocktober is a horror film festival that my old friend Kaiaphas who used to play in Ancient (my old band), now known as Dj Zhyn, has as tradition every year.
Basically during the month of october he watches horror and sci-fi films every single night until Halloween. Since this is just an awesome idea, my husband and I decided to associate us and do our own shocktober horror festival in our home.
We started last night with Resident Evil Afterlife at the cinema...we watched it in 3 D and I must say, it was really good. Not a masterpiece, but definitely a good watch.
I wonder what film we will watch tonight...? Maybe we will start Resident Evil from the beginning...from the first one. That's an idea.
Before I go, I leave you with an exilarating photo of my husband and I posing like nerds with our awesome 3 D glasses that we got at the movie theatre! LOL...goodnight boys!
And girls :)
/Hayam